If there’s one thing you cannot avoid while being a living women, it’s the phrase “hey baby why don’t you smile”

Most likely it won’t be uttered by some hunky business man, a Micheal Ealy type perhaps who finds you crying the rain under a weeping willow on a hot summer day. It will come from a creeper, ages 55+, probably homeless.

Stop telling me to smile.

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“Why don’t you smile sweetheart?”

Why don’t I smile? Lets examine a few reasons why I’m not smiling.

Because you decided to bring your creepy presence into my otherwise serene and peaceful world, because someone just said “God bless you” (if you’re not a pastor, please don’t take this as a real blessing). I’m not smiling because for some reason the places I used to hang out in are no longer appropriate for my age. The movie theater I used to go, to the restaurants I used to frequent. They’ve been infested with teeny boppers. Teeny boppers who look uncomfortably mature, like they could be my age. I can’t party like I used to, boozy brunches are no longer a Saturday tradition and neither are 5 hour Sunday naps. I’m grumpy because it’s the first week of Spring and we’ve already had snow. I’m not smiling because I live at home, I’m underemployed, and I’m sad.

If you want to see someone smile, go home, step in front of your bathroom mirror and enjoy.

The bottom line is this, No, I will not smile for you no matter how nicely you ask.

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