Review: Soap Opera

I don’t know about you, but I would love nothing more than to have a camera follow me at all times, taking pictures of funny moments of me with my dog, all to the accompaniment of an emotional soundtrack playing in the background and obviously a wind machine.
This is why I love soap operas.

Now before you judge, have you ever watched a soap opera? No? Then please do so right now. You’ll find that they are the epitome of your every fantasy.

Too many hot guys in town? Don’t worry, you’ll probably get a chance to be married to and/or date all of them at some point.
Don’t have a job? No problem, your boyfriend probably has a family mansion you can live in, free of charge, plus you’re way too busy stirring up drama to work anyway
Have a job? That’s fine, you’ll work maybe one or two hours a week, and no one will care anyway because they’re too caught up in their own drama, usually marrying their ex-fiancé’s son for revenge against their family
Worried about running into one of your exes? Not a problem! Your makeup is always done, your wardrobe is on point, and if all else fails the lighting is always dim so you always look fantastic.
Are you a teenager? You definitely won’t be going to school. You’ll be too busy trying to marry your ex-con boyfriend and dealing with your baby daddy and his boyfriend.

Soap operas are the only place where people never eat, never sleep, and are constantly meeting in the town square to discuss drama.
If you get pregnant April 1st you’ll be giving birth by May 15th. It’s the only place where a Russian man, can have both a British son and an American daughter, who all live in a mansion together with their significant others; where a women can successfully be engaged to both a father and a son; and where someone can kill a man, have their father take the blame, and conveniently avoid jail time.

A soap opera is a mighty fine place to be.