¿¿Dating??

Everyone has 1,001 opinions about dating and how to date. Do we really have a verdict?

  • Go on the apps and try swiping
  • Stay off the apps, everyone on there is not serious
  • Set your mind and intentions to being open and looking
  • Don’t try, you’ll come off as desperate
  • It’ll happen when you least expect (my favorite)
  • Live your life and don’t think about it
  • Keep it top of mind so the “universe” knows

¿Does anyone have any idea what actually works? And can someone send me some assistance. Thanks 😊

Dating Karma

Has anyone every experience Dating Karma? I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about but don’t want to admit it. When you’ve done someone dirty and now you can’t find a man or women?

I know I’m not the only one who’s been through a rough time and wonder WTF IS UP WITH MY LUCK.

Listen up boo, it’s probably karma. Every struggled to get a man to speak to speak to you for more than 3 business days? karma. Had a good man slip through your fingers despite A+ behavior? karma. Your girl can’t stop cheating on you despite you giving her the world? karma. When you ask the Lord to sent you someone good and he does but that person doesn’t make you feel spicy? karma.

I feel your pain…

 

Coming home for the Holidays…

Why does everyone always talk about hating coming home for the holidays? I’ve struggled with this question for years and never really discovered my personal reasons for it until now. Before I go into a complete family history let me clarify what I mean by home. I definitely don’t mean my parents’ house, because that is something I absolutely adore.  Sleeping in my old bed, playing with my dog, having my mom cook all my favorite foods. Home for me means Alachua, Florida. It means coming down to spend time with all my extended family, aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, cousins baby mommas and all. That is something I dread.

Do I get the typical “why are you still single questions?” of course I do – and as someone who was recently fucked over by the fuckboi supreme of all fuckboys trust me I’m constantly dodging certain family members just so I can avoid all man discussions. For me it’s not what’s said but what’s unsaid that bothers me. My family is one of those “we were raised going to church 4 out of the 7 days of the week families, and not just normal church but that deep south type of church families” and two generations later it still shows. Sex before marriage, drinking, dancing, cursing, drug use of any kind, gay marriage, abortions you name it it’s off topic. But the one thing my family likes to do that particularly bothers me is the a la carte approach they like to take on when it comes to these religious beliefs and values.

Let me explain – As someone who is a single lady of the New York streets, I enjoy a good time and I can with 100% certainty say that my family would not approve of over 90% of the things that I do in my free time – drinking, men, my dress, my language, it would all be frowned upon and is not to be discussed or bought up around these family members. However deplorable they might think my behavior might be it has nothing on what some of my cousins do. Multiple children out of wedlock, absentee fathers and mothers, abuse, neglect (I can go on) these are things that are not only running rampant in my family but dare I say accepted?

 

Drinking around my family? – a huge no

Bringing around your 3 kids and multiple baby mommas? – yes of course!

Wearing a skirt above my knees – I would never hear the end of my grandmothers ranting

Two children living with her that have basically been abandoned by their mother – Not a single eyelash is batted.

 

The fact that I can be openly shamed for drinking and cursing around my family while there is a myriad of abuse and neglect victims sitting around the table that we won’t dare speak about is absurd to me because on holds no flame to the other. Me having a glass of wine with my Thanksgiving dinner vs. my cousin sitting next to me who doesn’t acknowledge or take care of his 3 kids out of wedlock are not even comparable.

The fact that we hold one so highly above the other is something that drives me crazy. Granted not everyone wants to discuss their abuse in front of their family members and is a personal choice, but don’t you dare shake your finger at me when I decide to throw back a few shots of whiskey before dinner because it hurts my hurt to sit around the dinner table looking at my family which contains 3 generations of sexual abuse victims that we have never to this day have spoken about. It physically angers me that we treat our men and our women so different, watching all the men sit around as their wives fix their plates, or the way my uncles grill the girls in my family about their love life while their sons are chasing after their multiple children whose mothers are nowhere to be found. Don’t you dare ask me about what I can and can’t cook while you’re sitting there with your grandson who hasn’t seen his mom in years because she’s hopped up on drugs. How about instead of focusing on my is or isn’t in my cup you focus on the real issues at hand. For some prayer is the answer, for other it’s alcohol and for me it just happens to be both.

Review: Girl on the Train

Warning: Spoilers ahead

 

So the other day I went to see Girl on the Train, starring Emily Blunt, 2 blond girls and 3 dark haired guys

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side note: there were no black people in the film.

Anyways the movie starts out and Emily Blunt is a MESS.

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She’s drinking everyday on the train.

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Like everyday.

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Like one scene this women comes to sit down next to her and she tries to be like ‘omg your baby is so cute can I touch him’

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and the mom is like yo, you are WASTED at like 2:30pm no.

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So we see this for a little bit, then we realize that not only is Emily a hot ass mess but she’s also a bit of a peeping Tom. She stares at this one super hot average couple like everyday.

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She’s like obsessed with them and watches them all the time and is like “wow they have a love that like everyone wants blah blah”, they’re perfect and amazing, but of course they’re actually not, she’s seeing a therapist because apparently her husband is crazay and controlling etc.

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Another sidenote, if any of you have ever ridden on those Metro North trains you can hardly see into people’s homes,unless it’s going super slow. So I’d just like to point that out.

 

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Anyways.

We also find out that Emily is particularly fascinated with these amazing couple because they live right down the street from her ex and his new hoe, who we will call blond girl #1

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Now shit gets real,  Emily is a fucking mess because her husband cheated on her with blond girl #1 and moved her into the house and it drove Emily to drink and be fucking insane.

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So now things start to make sense, she rides the train to the city everyday to pass by her old house where her old boo and new boo thang are together and to stare at the new young hot couple that she wishes was her.

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Got it?

So one day Emily is being her usual peeping tom self on the train

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and she see’s something that sets her the fuck off, it’s blond girl #2 with someone who is NOT her man.

She fucking loses it and like almost gets off the train, but decides against it I think, but nevertheless is like really fucking upset.

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So she gets to the city, or wherever and is like lets. fucking. party. and proceeds to get wasted with her friends.

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Like she is hammertime.

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So she gets back on the train, and is quickly approaching the stop where both blonde girl #1 and #2 live AND SHE GETS OFF.

THIS CRAZY WOMEN LITERALLY GETS OFF THE TRAIN AND STARTS WALKING TOWARDS THE HOUSES.

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At one point she thinks she see’s blonde girl #1 who’s now married to her ex and FOLLOWS HER UNDER A BRIDGE, and of course like any good movie, the screen goes to a blackout.

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and everyone in the theater (or at least me, because I didn’t read the book) is like.

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What. is. happening.

So the next day or whatever, Emily wakes up in her room and she is like a disaster. Like I know I said she was a mess before but this bitch is on a whole new level of fucked-upness.

She’s bruised, barf in her hair, blood, clothes tattered, eyes bloodshot, like not even if your worst blackout have you woken up looking like this.

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So she’s like oh sweet baby Jesus wtf did I do.

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So at this point I think she tries to give up drinking? I can’t exactly remember, you know how the middles of these movies get a little fuzzy but I do know for a fact several things happen.

  1. she starts going to AA
  2. We find out she just rides the train back and forth, and doesn’t actually have a real job
  3. Her roommate tells her she has to leave
  4. She randomly tries to steal blonde girl #1’s baby
  5. Blonde girl #2 is found missing, then dead
  6. Turns out blond girl #2 was having an affair with her therapist

So we start getting into a bit of the story and we see flash backs of Emily’s marriage with her old boo and it’s not good. They try to get pregnant (which btw I hate that phrase, it was just her trying to get pregnant, it’s not like he’s carrying the child) so she’s trying to get pregnant and she can’t so it kind of leads her to drink and she becomes a slopfest galore and we also get flashbacks of blond girl #2 with her therapist and see how she like slowly seduces him and it’s all very sad.

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So at this point the police have questioned Emily and her roommate is like you are actually worse than I thought and you MUST leave now – so logically Emily goes to the dead blonde girls husband and is like “hey I used to be your wives friend, she was having an affair with someone, I saw it from the train (red flag) I think I can help, and like the dumbass he is, the husband is like yea, sure whatever, COOL.

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Fucking idiot. because clearly Emily was never friends with your wife and also does not have a job.

So they kind of become friends and she starts hanging around his house AND let me also add that this whole time Emily is obsessively calling her ex husband, like 27 times a day, calling the house, the whole nine yards. Ok back to present so yes, Emily starts hanging with the dead girls husband and one day he eventually finds out that she’s basically cray and was seen getting off the train in the same area as where his wife was found dead.

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That’s right bitches, the blackout that we didn’t see was actually Emily seeing a blonde girl, and running after her, then blacking out. A mere 20 mins later blonde girl #2 was found dead in the woods. So now Emily is like

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But she can’t remember because she’s in a constant state of drunkenness. So in a strange twist she starts going to the therapist that blonde girl #2 was having an affair with (because why not?) and stops drinking and slowly starts to get her shit together. So one day she’s taking the train home and runs into her ex’s old boss and she’s like ‘Hey girl, I’m so sorry about ruining your party that one time” and the boss is like listen hoe, ain’t no thang your husband was a fuckboi supreme, we’re so glad you gt rid of him especially since he was fucking everything that walked’

AND THEN SINCE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE FOREVER SINCE SHE’S SOBER EMILY REALIZES HER HUSBAND WAS DOING THE ABSOLUTE MOST.

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She’s like holy shit – that time when I thought I came after him with a golf club, it was HIM

That time when I got drunk at the bosses holiday party and thought I ruined everything, it was HIM

He twisted all me memories and made me think I was having a 2007 Britney Spears meltdown but in fact it was him that was le worst.

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It’s about to be on and poppin.

MEANWHILE back in sweet town USA, Blond girl #1 who is now married to Emily’s ex is doing what all side pieces turned main pieces do….snooping.

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So she finds a burner phone in his bag which is like dead giveaway #1 that you’re creeping while she’s sleeping and she goes to check the messages AND LO AND MOTHERFUCKING BEHOLD THE VOICEMAIL BOX BELONGS TO DEAD BLONDE GIRL #2.

Now if you’re like me at this point you are confused AF. so I’ll break it down for youScreen Shot 2016-10-20 at 3.09.02 PM.png

Emily’s ex was having an affair first with blonde girl #1 and now with blonde girl #2 – blonde girl #2 is dead, why else would the ex have a dead girls phone? oh that’s right. Because he killed her.

Now this review has already gone on long enough so let me wrap it up, in the following order here’s what happens next.

  1. At the same time that blonde girl #1 realizes her husband killed blonde #2 so does Emily
  2. Emily (after coming to the realization that her husband is an abusive psychopath) tries to come and warn #1 about the abuse
  3. We get a flashback that confirms that the ex did in fact kill #2 because she was pregnant with his baby and he doesn’t want it.
  4. Emily comes to the house to warn #1 about her husbands shitty ways
  5. The ex knocks the shit out of Emily and tries to kill her
  6. Emily ends up killing the husband while #1 watches
  7. Big fucking sigh of relief.

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And that ladies and gentlemen is Girl on the Train.

 

 

Review: “He’s my best friend”

I was going to write a review about boyfriends, or relationships, both of which I haven’t had but I decided to focus on something a little more specific.

Something that really chaps my ass, when of my friends in a relationship says this about their significant other:

“He’s my best friend”

Normally when I hear people say this about their loved one, I brush it off but it’s one of my friends I have no choice but to suppress the massive side eye I want to give them. Isn’t it me that you’ve known since you were 10? Does the fact you that you get to bang twice a week close the 13 year gap when he wasn’t in your life? I’m so glad that after two years of knowing him you consider him to be closer to you than I am! Haven’t we spent countless night up on the phone sharing secrets? Aren’t I the one who consoled you when you two were having problems? Yea he’s seen you naked but I’m pretty sure I have to.

Enough said.