Surgery Sisters

I recently had surgery and I cannot even begin to explain to you how I’m feeling.
It’s like I’m tired for a sleep that I cannot get no matter how long I lay in bed for. Due to this I’ve been quite the tv rat.

Thus far I’ve watched:
Dracula (the original)
American Beauty
Season one of Tyrant
Season four of Pretty Little Liars
Full Metal Jacket
Spirited Away
Casablanca
Some Like it Hot
Half a season of the boondocks
*Two seasons of the Boondocks
*Two seasons of Parenthood
* Shawshank Redemption
* Season one of True Detective
* Citizen Kane

Woof. That’s a lot of television.

*Updated as of September 10th

#citygirlproblems vs. #suburbiagirlproblems

I’ve decided to pretend I’m still in college and take a 2 1/2 week Christmas break. So as I write to you I’m laying in my old bed sans tv (thanks mom). Now that I’ve made New York my home again I’ve realized my #suburbgirlproblems have turned into #citygirlproblems.

My Maryland nightmares include:

  • Being stuck behind a slow car on a way street
  • Being woken up by birds at 5 a.m. in the summer
  • Hitting a deer while driving home late at night
  • Forgetting where you hid your front door key
  • Getting your satellite signal disrupted by a rogue raccoon
  • Going out with friends and getting too drunk to drive home
  • Missing out on all the fun shit going on in New York

2 1/2 weeks is far too long to be in the suburbs

 

index

Review: Watching TV

So I’ll be moving in a few weeks and I’m trying to explain to my parents the importance of having a TV in my room.

Watching TV for me is like therapy. For two hours a day, six when I was unemployed, I was transported to another land. A land of Kardashians, Mob Wives and Duck Dynasty. I forgot my troubles of being a 22 year old unemployed college graduate who was in $30,000 worth of debt and no way to pay it back (thanks so mom and dad it’s now down to $27,000, yay!). When you’re watching TV time stands still and it moves forward, your mind is still but it’s also running at 1,000 miles an hour. There’s nothing like snuggling up in bed, fixing yourself a delicious snack, settling into a neck pillow and having a four hour Law and Order: SVU marathon for an entire afternoon.

Review: Soap Opera

I don’t know about you, but I would love nothing more than to have a camera follow me at all times, taking pictures of funny moments of me with my dog, all to the accompaniment of an emotional soundtrack playing in the background and obviously a wind machine.
This is why I love soap operas.

Now before you judge, have you ever watched a soap opera? No? Then please do so right now. You’ll find that they are the epitome of your every fantasy.

Too many hot guys in town? Don’t worry, you’ll probably get a chance to be married to and/or date all of them at some point.
Don’t have a job? No problem, your boyfriend probably has a family mansion you can live in, free of charge, plus you’re way too busy stirring up drama to work anyway
Have a job? That’s fine, you’ll work maybe one or two hours a week, and no one will care anyway because they’re too caught up in their own drama, usually marrying their ex-fiancé’s son for revenge against their family
Worried about running into one of your exes? Not a problem! Your makeup is always done, your wardrobe is on point, and if all else fails the lighting is always dim so you always look fantastic.
Are you a teenager? You definitely won’t be going to school. You’ll be too busy trying to marry your ex-con boyfriend and dealing with your baby daddy and his boyfriend.

Soap operas are the only place where people never eat, never sleep, and are constantly meeting in the town square to discuss drama.
If you get pregnant April 1st you’ll be giving birth by May 15th. It’s the only place where a Russian man, can have both a British son and an American daughter, who all live in a mansion together with their significant others; where a women can successfully be engaged to both a father and a son; and where someone can kill a man, have their father take the blame, and conveniently avoid jail time.

A soap opera is a mighty fine place to be.